The Reverentially Conscious Man

I am conscious, so are you or maybe not, but I am still conscious, I fear to speak too much, speak too loud lest people get offended . They tell you to be conscious of your environment, to think before you speak, you know what, I do that so much, I think about all of it so much, I dare not speak. The very thought of being looked at once I start speaking, the always-present smile of people withering with the onset of your thoughts into words leaves me unable to express myself many-a-time. It leads to beads of sweat forming and beginning to roll down from my forehead slightly deflecting from their natural path by the jutting cheekbones and with those despicable clammy hands fit only to hold the table from below so as to direct the consciousness away at being stared at so when people talk to you.

The fear of stepping out of the bounds, out of the safety zone, the nice box I have placed around me is trampled by irritational thinking, all this seems to cripple my very purpose. The need to know one’s place is but fact well known among the literati and is something which is known by all but rarely discussed so as not to be known as one who indulges in crass social behavior. There are some things which you know and you keep it with you, you don’t think about them, strike ever discussing them out loud in public.

I hesitate to speak up in a gathering of unknown people so as to unintentionally be dissed in front of such a gathering, why, I am conscious, I am too aware of my environment, I don’t always notice all the details, the writing in the dust coating the un-opened doors etc.
I tend to notice the hint of derision in people’s voices when they call me to meet up, as if they are unsure, as if the very possibility of me, actually turning up there might damage the hopes they ever cherished of having ‘cool’ friends .

I am what am I am and will be what I choose to be, there are no changes here, actually, there always are; I’m conscious incase you haven’t figured that out by now, I have this incessant need to please people who matter not in the least, to associate myself with things ingrained in the public consciousness for the next 2 weeks. I will be conscious, not because I want to, not because I ever wanted to, but because I am. It’s one of those things which you dare not disassociate yourself from, so as to lose your very identity, it is there for the good/ bad, either way it will be there.

PS- You probably won't get this note, so pretend if you must :P .
This note is from the viewpoint of an overly conscious man for those not in the know :)